An Unwanted Guest

Dear Subjects,

‘Tis I again HRG Myrtle, Queen of Elderberry Bottom and Duchess of Smithincott.

I’m afraid I need to vent my annoyance! I hope you don’t mind but I feel like I know you all personally now and I’m sure you will have some empathy (having no doubt all endured a similar fate.)

My problem is….an unwanted guest. I once heard a wise old goat say “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days," quite frankly I couldn’t have put it better myself.

It all started about a week ago, and if I may add, this is not the first time!

Poo girl arrived, unannounced and without so much as a handful of treats. “Surely”, I hear you cry “she had brought at least a bucket of warm water?”. Well no! In fact she had in her arms a sleeping bag, torch and overnight bag. 

I rolled my eyes but she chose to ignore the hint and proceeded to erect a makeshift bed out of OUR bales of hay. OUTRAGEOUS .!!!

It really couldn’t have come at a more inconvenient time as my beautiful grandkid Princess Eunice was due to give birth that week. Well it really gets my goat. (I have no idea what that means but it seems like an appropriate time to say it). It seems to be that every time we have an imminent Royal arrival ‘Poo’ chooses to impose herself on our good nature. It’s almost as if she knew and wanted to muscle in on the action. 

Well, the first night was tolerable although the constant dribbling was most unattractive and every time she yawned it looked like she was gurning. A few nights later the snoring started followed by tumultuous gaseous fumes. 

Now, as we goats have the customary 4 stomachs I was initially quite impressed with the quantity she could produce with a paltry 1 gut. However, come day 4 it was obvious that she was just showing off and the stable was starting to smell a little humany (if you get my drift).

Fortunately on day 5 we welcomed our new and much anticipated arrival into the Royal Stablehold. We have named her Blossom. She’s completely adorable unlike our current guest.

Poo girl must have realised that she had outstayed her welcome and the accommodation was getting slightly congested, she eventually ,(albeit reluctantly)skulked off back down the field. 

Now you know that I’m not one to moan and grumble but I feel so much better getting that off my chest!

Hopefully my next missive will be a lot more positive with tales of  enchanting baby goats. 

Love

HRG Myrtle