Greetings my adoring and loyal subjects,
Myrtle here, or should I say Her Royal Goatliness Myrtle of Elderberry Bottom. As you may or may not know we have recently been granted the well deserved title of Royal Golden Guernsey Goats, and if I may say so, not before time!
We discovered our Royal heritage following the trip to our home Island of Guernsey by King Charles (or Uncle Chas as I now like to call him) who bestowed the title on all of us golden fleeced beauties.
I, of course, always knew my destiny. It is patently obvious when one compares oneself to Charles. We both sport a pair of ears that are nigh on identical!! We quite obviously share the same gene pool. If you want further proof just check out our photos, we could be twins!!
Since discovering our heritage I have been trying to encourage Tracy the poo girl to treat us accordingly. I have instructed that she formally address me by my full title and cease with the baby talk. I am NOT Myrtle Schmertle, Myrtle moo moos and all the other nonsense names she comes up with.
She has not entirely adapted to her new role as yet. On recently receiving a bucket of cold, rather than the required tepid water, I was very disappointed to discover that the Tower is no longer operational. I will therefore need to devise another means of punishment.
I am still accepting visitors but expect them to dress accordingly. Gentlemen in top hat and tails and Ladies in frocks, Louboutins and elegant straw hats which serve to provide me with a nice tasty amuse-bouche.
I believe Royal Protocol discourages Public Displays of Affection. . I have decreed however that this outdated malarkey is to be dispensed with forthwith. Any guests will be expected to smother me with affection .
HRG Myrtle.
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